Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
