I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I won the penis lottery.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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