My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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