People in love make me want to vomit
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
