I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
