I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize