i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
