i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
