Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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