Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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