i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
