you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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