I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think your dad took our porno
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
