She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is wine microwaveable?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
