If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
