he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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