if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
