mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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