I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fuck appropriateness.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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