I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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