i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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