why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
