mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
