Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
