I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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