just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
