I will die if light touches me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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