fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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