I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
