I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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