just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
