I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
