Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
