I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
