Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize