Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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