You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
