I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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