is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
