Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
