I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
