Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
