sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
