why didn't you poke me back
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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