It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
