doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
