I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
