i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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