Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
