Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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