If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
