____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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