I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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