she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
