So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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