Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is an emotional support booty call
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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