Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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