make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
