I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
