why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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