i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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