i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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