It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
