Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
