I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
