my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
