is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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