i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
