A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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