Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
